Thoughts on being back at work

This adorable, slightly concerned cat with eyebrows is here to indicate that this is a slightly concerned blog post.

It seems like just yesterday I was rushing to get to a good stopping point on all my projects at work before Scott was born.  It's hard to believe that now I have an almost-12-weeks-old and that I've been back at work (part time) for a whole month.  Awhile ago I wrote about my experience being a full time mom while I was on maternity leave, I thought I'd give an update on how it was going doing the whole working mom thing.

I should start by saying that I'm so so so so so greatful that I've been given the opportunity to continue working part-time while Scott is little.  I know many women have to go back to work (to jobs that are much more time consuming and stressful than mine) when their children are younger than Scott, and I give them a huge amount of credit for the amount of work I'm sure it takes to keep both of those balls in the air.

In a way, working part-time is the perfect situation.  I'm able to spend more time with Scott and not feel as rushed to take care of all the household responsibilities, but I still have a reason to put on pants with buttons and think and interact with adults in the "real world".  On the other hand, it's been harder than I expected to split my time in two different worlds.  On Monday, Wednesday and Friday I'm adult Chelsea and am trying to keep up with my responsibilities at work.  On Tuesday and Thursday I'm mom Chelsea and am singing the ABC song during diaper changes and doing finger plays at the library.  Often at the end of a work day, it's frustrating because I simultaneously feel like I just don't have enough time to get everything done but I also miss my little guy.  I want to be able to focus my attention on what I'm doing that day at that moment and let the responsibilities of my other life wait for when I'm involved in that life, but it rarely works that way.  At work, my thoughts drift to Scott or what's for dinner, or what we need to get from Target and at home my thoughts drift to what I'd be doing if I were at work then.  It's not a 100% bad thing... last weekend while I was in mom mode, I had some ideas for the discussion section of the paper I was writing, but it's definitely more difficult than I though it would be.

Even though it's not as perfect as I'd originally thought it would be, I do think that continuing to work part-time is the best decision for us right now.  Plus, after this week I'll be doing some work on the days I'm not actually at work so hopefully I'll feel less disconnected on my off days than I do now.  I'm not sure how long I'll keep up this schedule before I return to work full-time, but I really do want to enjoy my extra time with Scott and not let vague notions about not doing everything well enough to allow some idea of perfect to be the enemy of the already very very good.

Thoughts?  Words of wisdom?  Cat pictures you'd like to share?

Thoughts on being a SAHM/ returning to work

I'm not going to be a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) - I knew that way back when conceiving Scott was still on the "to-do" list - but I've had the past 6 weeks to get a little taste of what that would be like.

First, being a SAHM mom is hard!  Scott is by far the most demanding boss I've ever had to answer to.  You want to go to the bathroom before you feed me for 1/2 hour?  "WAAAAHHHHHHH!"  You want to eat the last 2 bites of your dinner before you feed me?  "WAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"  Tiny babies don't understand "just a second," and it was a real change to go from basically being able to do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted to having to make every decision based on what he needed or what I perceived he would need in the future.

It's also been hard because - due to the cold weather, my initial driving and carrying restrictions, fear of the flu, etc. - we haven't gotten out much.  I really wish I'd been able to take him out for more walks, but so far the weather has only been nice enough 3 or 4 days.  And by nice I mean "high 30s".  He's not getting much sunlight.  I also don't get much human interaction.

It can also be hard to figure out the best way to manage my time.  I'm fine with being a mom when he needs something (food, a diaper change) and when he's sleeping (frantically do some laundry and maybe check e-mail and write a blog post), but I have a really hard time figuring out what to do when he's awake and alert (but not crying to be changed or fed).  I've been putting him on his tummy and have been reading to him from books and magazines I'm reading (right now it's Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy) but honestly I'm at a loss for what else to do, and it concerns me that he's not getting appropriate stimulation.  We've also been listening to music and dancing around in the afternoons when he's more awake (and fussy).  Is it easier when they are older and more interactive?

But on the other hand, I love never having to worry about missing a moment with him.  It's a strange, selfish urge.  I love holding him and carrying him around and experiencing all the funny faces and noises and smiles and cuddles.  He's MY baby, and I don't want to share him with anyone*.  I'm also worried that he's going to get sick once he starts spending time around other kids (can I please listen to the news just one time without having to hear about flu deaths?) and that he's just on the brink of "waking up" and being super cute and interactive and I'm going to miss out on all of that because I'm at work all day.

Now that I've read back through this post, it's a lot whinier than I intended it to be, but it's my honest feelings and observations.  I do want to say that I'm so so so so so thankful that I was able to take all this time off to be with him, and I'm even more thankful that I'll be able to work part-time through February so I can ease into our new routine.  I'm also thankful that I have a job that I'm actually looking forward to returning to.  Having to leave him to do something I hated would absolutely break my heart.  And I'm thankful we have arranged for him to be cared for by people who I trust also have his best interests at heart.

I guess, when it comes down to it, I wish I could both stay home and work full-time.  Unfortunately those things are mutually exclusive.  For now, we've made the choice that we think is best for our family.  Any words of wisdom from moms who have been there and done that - either working moms or SAHM moms?

*That's not really true.  I'm very happy that there are so many people in his life that love him and want to hold and cuddle him.

Daycare/ returning to work brain dump

We're attending our daycare orientation next Monday, and I'll be headed back to work next Wednesday, so I'm trying to figure out what I need to do to prepare and what questions I should ask at the orientation.  Comments and suggestions are very much welcome!

Daycare:

Here's a list of things we are told the little ones need:

• Blanket
• Diapers, wipes, diaper cream
• Clean bottles for each feeding
• Two changes of clothes
• Pacifier
• Milk

Here are thing things I'm thinking about or think I need to ask the daycare provider:

• At night Scott sleeps in a fleece sack thing, should we bring that rather than a blanket?  He doesn't nap in one (just regular clothes downstairs where it's warmer), but that's his usual "sleep" outfit.  If we do bring a blanket, should we do something to make it smell like home?  If so, what?  Let him sleep on top of it for a few nights?  Have Daniel and I sleep with it so it smells like us?
• The center is fine with cloth diapers.  Should we bring our own trash can/ wet bag to transport the diapers back and forth?
• Bottles/milk.  This is one I'm having a hard time with.  Right now when Scott takes a bottle, he's been eating about 3 - 4oz.  I've pumped several 2.5oz bottles and several 5oz bottles that are hanging out in the freezer.  I can divide some into 4oz bottles, but I'm concerned about waste.  I hate to think about 1oz getting chucked if he only wants 3oz at a feeding or - even worse - 3.5 oz getting chucked if he wants just slightly more than one bottle.  I'm going to ask at the orientation, but does anyone have any suggestions for dealing with this?
• The center gives out sheets to parents so parents can let the daycare provider know how sleep/eating was over night - should we take home a bunch of those so we can fill them out in the am before we leave?
• What's the best way to minimize the trauma (to me more than him, I'm guessing) of leaving him for the day?  I'm sure just getting away quickly, especially if he's crying, but does anyone have any suggestions for ways to make it easier/better at first?

Can you think of other things I should think about or ask?????

Work:

Really the only thing I'm concerned about with work is pumping.  Fortunately I have my own office where I can close the door to have privacy, and I'm borrowing a mini-fridge so I can store the milk without worrying about anyone trying to use the "plastic baggy of funny-tasting coffee creamer".  I'm planning to bring those little plastic storage bags for pumping rather than transporting bottles and bringing some sterilizing wipes/bags to make clean up easier.  I've seen it suggested that it's a good idea to buy extra pump parts to leave at work so there's one less thing to remember.  It looks like it's about $30 to buy the two suction parts and another $10 to buy the tubing (I probably don't need to bring tubing because I don't clean it like I do the other parts that actually come into contact with the milk) so that is probably a good investment...

Anything else that I should think about with pumping/ other work related issues???  Thanks in advance!        

Three Things Tuesday

1. Vote, election, patriotism, duty, honor, service, country, blah blah blah.  Secondary to hoping the guy I want to win wins, I really hope that the outcome the election is clear enough that this doesn't drag on beyond tonight.

[source]

2. It's official.  I can't sit all day at work anymore.  If I lean forward in my chair, the baby wiggles to get me to stop squashing him.  If I lean back, he squashes my lungs.  And sit up and use good posture all day? Right...  So I got industrious yesterday and adjusted my keyboard and monitors up so I could alternate standing and sitting (on a tall chair).

The set up is kind of ghetto right now - everything is balanced on plastic paper trays - but I'm liking it so far.  I've been alternating about an hour of standing with an hour of sitting, and I'm much more comfortable at the end of the day.  I didn't want to make any permanent changes until I decided if I liked standing, but I think I might pull the trigger and get an actual standing desk after the baby is born.

3. Check out this radish that kind of looks like a runner (hat tip, Daniel).

A little biostatistics humor

Although I think anyone who does academic research would find these videos funny... but sad... but true.

Statistical power and p-values from Statisticsblog



A biologist talks to a statistician

May I see your data?

There's a tiny area of overlap in the Venn Diagram of technology nerds, hard-core endurance athletes, Biggest-Loser style dieters, productivity masters, and Ben Franklin, and that is a subset of people who love to track things about themselves.  The latest issue of Discover Magazine has an interesting article called Our Data, Ourselves (doesn't appear to be online yet) that details the self-tracker movement and how the rise of smart phones has brought it to a whole new level.

The compulsion to track things- miles run, calories eaten, games of Dungeons and Dragons won, adherence to 13-virtues (in the case of Ben Franklin)- has been around for a long time.  Part of it is a sincere desire to improve something about our lives; part of it is probably just selfish navel gazing.  But what was once limited to committed (obsessed?) individuals with a log book or Excel spreadsheet has vaulted into the digital age with the PACO (for Personal Analytics Companion) ap developed by Google engineer Bob Evans (ha!, that's really his name).

PACO allows individuals to conduct their own experiments of N=1 and can be set up to track anything.  The thing that sets it apart from the "old-fashioned" self-tracking methods is that you don't have to remember to keep records, PACO will remind you itself.  Want to know how you are using your time at work?  You could keep a log and write down what you did every 15 minutes, or you could let PACO text you at random times during the day and ask you what you are doing.  A migraine sufferer might not think to record what he/she ate at her last meal until something triggered another debilitating headache, but the ap could be set up to ask a few simple questions about potential trigger foods after every meal.

The idea has even more potential for population studies of personal behavior where recall is notoriously horrible.  It's not limited to little things like, "Did you eat 1/3 cup of yogurt or 1/2 cup?"  I sat in on an interview for one of the studies I do data analysis for where the participant could not recall in what decade she had cancer.  In the realm of patient care, I'm sure doctors (and maybe even some patients) would love a digital "Did you take your medicine?" reminder.

Of course when you submit your data to the interwebz there are all sorts of privacy concerns.  Google of course swears your data is 100% completely secure and they would never mine/sell it.  All the same, I think a lot of people would be hesitant to track more sensitive things for fear they'll have a PACO pop up and remind them to buy more Preparation H at an inopportune time.      

As a statistician and semi self tracking enthusiast, I think that thing sounds awesome.  It's almost enough to make me want a smartphone.  I would love something that would remind me to take my medicine or record minutia about my day.  However, I'm sure to some people it sounds like their own personal version of Hell.

Are you a self-tracker?  Would you use an ap like this?  Does that sound like way fun and cool or like a digital version of your mom nagging you to clean your room?    


       

Five things

I have learned during my (nearly - on Thursday) 3 years as a research statistician.

1. The hardest thing about any job is learning what questions you need to ask.  It's frustrating to not know what you don't know, and I think it's the #1 reason that starting a new job is so stressful.  I'm not sure how to learn what questions to ask other than by asking a lot of questions- many of which will ultimately not be the right ones and you will mess things up anyway- and to keep trying and keep taking new projects until you start to see patterns in your work.  You'll start to learn what you don't know and how to find the answer.   

2. The most important question to ask is "Why?" - Once you can answer this about everything you do, from "Why am I writing this paper?" to "Why am I using this method?" with something other than, "Because my adviser/boss told me to"  you are your way to becoming a good researcher.  I will call you in 20 years when I've got that down.

3. Never underestimate your ability to mess things up - It is an inevitability.  You will transpose two numbers and not catch it any of the 25 times you check that section of your program.  You will have to redo your analysis because you didn't control for some mystery variable you've never heard of.  You will have to e-mail out a new spreadsheet- and CC all coauthors- when you realize there was one solitary "4" that you didn't change to a "5".  Check, double check, triple check.  Learn from your mistakes.  Be paranoid that you will screw up because you will.

4. This means other people will mess up, too - It is an inevitability.  Don't be angry and certainly don't act like you've never done the same thing, because you have.  Learn what you can from a situation and move on. Sometimes that means you have to adapt your plans.  That's fine.  Keep working.  Papers and grants don't write themselves while you sit and stew over a mistake someone else made.      

5. One year of work experience is worth 5 (at least) in the classroom - Every problem in school comes gift wrapped to you with a label that tells you exactly what it is.  This is a categorical data analysis problem.  This is an exercise where you use a built-in function to read in a dataset from Excel.  Problems in the real world are unclear, messy, and full of hazards.  More like What do I do when I just presented my results from an analysis only to find out that one of my numbers doesn't match something on a Powerpoint slide created in 1997 because I didn't control for a variable that I didn't knew existed?  or Why won't my program work right now when I needed to give an answer 5 minutes ago?  Sure you need an educational background in your subject to learn on the job, but school never teaches you how to handle the most difficult situations you will be faced with in real life.

These are the five things that immediately come to my mind, but I'm sure there are others.  What would you add to this list?